It's not How you Fall off...It's How you Get Back on the Horse that Matters.
When you fall off a horse, you need to get right back on it!
You know this saying. In fact, I remember the day our daughter really did fall off a horse. Over the years, we've encouraged our daughters to try all sorts of different activities. In one way or another, our now 12 and 13 year old girls have participated in tap dance, gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, Spanish lessons, swim lesson, piano, and...horseback riding.
All kids seem to enjoy horses, and we are fortunate to live near several stables that offer riding lessons for kids. The girls started when they were 4 and 5. It's remarkable how big a horse looks - even a small horse - next to your 4 year old daughter! Yet, with helmets, boots, and riding gloves, our youngest started riding lessons. She, of course, had a grin from ear to ear. I love that sense of immortality that all young people seem to have. Parents, however, know better. Let's face it; horses can hurt a kid. Horses, I suppose, can even hurt an adult!! (Please, no offense meant to horse lovers!)
Like the rest of the parents, I watched with great anticipation how our girls were doing. Over the weeks it was actually fun to see their self-confidence grow. I shouldn't have been shocked, but the horses were really doing what the students "told" them to do. They walked, stopped, went left, turned right, and even cantered a bit. Being able to see that growth--in action--was assuring.
I can't remember all of the specifics, but I do vividly remember the moment Gretchen fell off her horse. She (and the horse) were at the opposite side of the riding paddock. I was sitting on a bale of hay. Gretchen and the horse were cantering. Life was good. And then...the horse went right while Gretchen went left. 5 year old Gretchen took a tumble to the ground.. The image is still one of those "slow motion" memories in my mind, but I saw Gretchen fall off and land...hard. I think it took me less than half a second and only 3 huge steps to reach her.
There were a few tears, and Gretchen was definitely shocked. I was a bit of a wreck, but the instructor came to us calmly and said something like, "Oh Gretchen, this happens every once in awhile. Kids sometimes fall off their horse. In fact, I still fall off every now and then. It's important now that you show the horse that you're in charge. Besides, you don't want to give up. Let's get you back up on that saddle so we can finish the lesson. Dad, why don't you go back to the seating area and be ready to see how well Gretchen will do now."
And without missing a beat, Gretchen got back on the saddle and finished the lesson. I went back to the bale of hay. She finished the lesson.
Over the summer I read a book that I absolutely recommend to every educator and parent, How Children Succeed, by Paul Tough. The tag of the title is powerful: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. Tough summarizes recent research on how kids become successful, and he writes in a very approachable manner.
I can't summarize the entire book here, but think about what you think helps a child succeed. Is it intelligence? Talent? Money? Athletic Prowess? Tough shares research that identified seven characteristics that could be used to "predict life satisfaction and high achievement"
Carol Dweck, who wrote Mindset, shares her thoughts on the power of "yet" here. If we want our kids to be successful, they need to have a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. If your child says he/she can't do something, teach "yet." Try this:
As we begin a new school year, I encourage parents to help their children succeed by focusing on these characteristics. Your child will get a few bumps. He/she may fall off a metaphorical "horse" and want to quit or give up. My hope is that teachers and parents work together to help our children learn that success is not based on what clothes you wear or where you live. Or, success is not always based on how well we-as parents- can rescue our children. Rather, success---especially future success--is based on our ability to stay focused, persevere, and work hard. Grit!
You know this saying. In fact, I remember the day our daughter really did fall off a horse. Over the years, we've encouraged our daughters to try all sorts of different activities. In one way or another, our now 12 and 13 year old girls have participated in tap dance, gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, Spanish lessons, swim lesson, piano, and...horseback riding.
All kids seem to enjoy horses, and we are fortunate to live near several stables that offer riding lessons for kids. The girls started when they were 4 and 5. It's remarkable how big a horse looks - even a small horse - next to your 4 year old daughter! Yet, with helmets, boots, and riding gloves, our youngest started riding lessons. She, of course, had a grin from ear to ear. I love that sense of immortality that all young people seem to have. Parents, however, know better. Let's face it; horses can hurt a kid. Horses, I suppose, can even hurt an adult!! (Please, no offense meant to horse lovers!)
Like the rest of the parents, I watched with great anticipation how our girls were doing. Over the weeks it was actually fun to see their self-confidence grow. I shouldn't have been shocked, but the horses were really doing what the students "told" them to do. They walked, stopped, went left, turned right, and even cantered a bit. Being able to see that growth--in action--was assuring.
I can't remember all of the specifics, but I do vividly remember the moment Gretchen fell off her horse. She (and the horse) were at the opposite side of the riding paddock. I was sitting on a bale of hay. Gretchen and the horse were cantering. Life was good. And then...the horse went right while Gretchen went left. 5 year old Gretchen took a tumble to the ground.. The image is still one of those "slow motion" memories in my mind, but I saw Gretchen fall off and land...hard. I think it took me less than half a second and only 3 huge steps to reach her.
There were a few tears, and Gretchen was definitely shocked. I was a bit of a wreck, but the instructor came to us calmly and said something like, "Oh Gretchen, this happens every once in awhile. Kids sometimes fall off their horse. In fact, I still fall off every now and then. It's important now that you show the horse that you're in charge. Besides, you don't want to give up. Let's get you back up on that saddle so we can finish the lesson. Dad, why don't you go back to the seating area and be ready to see how well Gretchen will do now."
And without missing a beat, Gretchen got back on the saddle and finished the lesson. I went back to the bale of hay. She finished the lesson.
Over the summer I read a book that I absolutely recommend to every educator and parent, How Children Succeed, by Paul Tough. The tag of the title is powerful: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. Tough summarizes recent research on how kids become successful, and he writes in a very approachable manner.
I can't summarize the entire book here, but think about what you think helps a child succeed. Is it intelligence? Talent? Money? Athletic Prowess? Tough shares research that identified seven characteristics that could be used to "predict life satisfaction and high achievement"
- grit
- self-control
- zest
- social intelligence
- gratitude
- optimism
- curiosity
Carol Dweck, who wrote Mindset, shares her thoughts on the power of "yet" here. If we want our kids to be successful, they need to have a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. If your child says he/she can't do something, teach "yet." Try this:
- "I can't multilpy."
- "Yet. You can't multilpy...yet, but if you work hard you will be able to multiply. In fact, I'd be happy to help with some flashcards."
As we begin a new school year, I encourage parents to help their children succeed by focusing on these characteristics. Your child will get a few bumps. He/she may fall off a metaphorical "horse" and want to quit or give up. My hope is that teachers and parents work together to help our children learn that success is not based on what clothes you wear or where you live. Or, success is not always based on how well we-as parents- can rescue our children. Rather, success---especially future success--is based on our ability to stay focused, persevere, and work hard. Grit!
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