Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Our Kids Deserve It



John Herner was president of the The National Association of State Directors of Special Education, and this quote has been shared and reshared online for several years.  I was reminded of this statement when I recently met a college freshman who grew up in one of 19 states where corporal punishment in schools is still legal.  She said that in her high school kids could choose two "swats" from a principal as punishment for being late to school or instead of serving detention, and she herself had been on the receiving end of such swats because it was the quickest way to be done with the punishment.When I asked her if her behaviors changed because of the swats, she almost laughed and replied, "No."

There are many opinions about spanking either at home or at school.  I am a strong advocate of not spanking, and fortunately for me corporal punishment in schools is not legal where I am principal.  The research about spanking is fairly conclusive.  An online search for "spanking research" will return many hits.  This statement is from the American Psychological Association.

Many studies have shown that physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children. Americans’ acceptance of physical punishment has declined since the 1960s, yet surveys show that two-thirds of Americans still approve of parents spanking their kids.

The American Psychologial Association goes on to say:

that corporal punishment can “instill hostility, rage and a sense of powerlessness without reducing the undesirable behavior.”

Hostility.
Rage.
Sense of Powerlessness.

Clearly these skills are not what schools or families hope to teach their children.  And yet,

surveys show that two-thirds of Americans still approve of parents spanking their kids.

Two thirds.

We can do better.  For our children's sake, we must do better.

In our school we explicitly teach our students the behaviors we expect our students to be able to demonstrate.  As I've written in a previous blog, our school "Leads with PAWS!"  We have a matrix of behaviors we teach and even videos for discussion.  



Plus we partner with parents to help teach and reinforce those skills.  I am grateful for this partnership.

Some people say, "But Mr. Ascher, what if the kids don't learn these skills?"  I would suggest we need to first look at ourselves to see how we can teach these skills better or differently.  Punishing--especially corporal punishment--is not teaching.

Some people have told me, "My parents did it to me." I usually try to remind them that raising kids now is different than it was even 20 years ago.  While previous generations did the best they possibly could, we do know more now--especially through research.   Ask yourself if you would want to go to a doctor who did not follow the latest research.

There are respected parenting resources that have even changed their view on spanking.  For years I have been a supporter of Parenting with Love and Logic.  They changed their stance on spanking.  You can read that here.

Is raising a child challenging?  Of course.

Is teaching a child challenging?  Many times.

Is hitting a child the answer?  No.

If you spank your children, please reconsider.    If you don't know what else to do, then ask for help.  Contact your child's school, your doctor, me.  Contact someone who can help you.  Our kids deserve it.